Learning Spanish
This is the year I finally learn Spanish. I always thought it would be really hard and that’s what’s held me back all this time. It turns out it’s no big deal, because I got this calendar and I’m learning a phrase every day this year and in one year I’ll be able to say 365 things, which is WAY MORE than I’ll ever need. Think about it, 365 things. I don’t think I can even say 365 things in English and even if I could, who would care? Long about thing 60 people are generally going to be looking at me funny; it’s not like I’m a topless women, they can say as many things as they want and mostly people will pretend to be interested.
The only problem I can see after the first week of learning to say things is that I seem to be learning to say things I’d never say. Things like “Sus ninos son adorables.” Sure, there are adorable children out there, and I might even meet someone who has adorable children, but it’s just something I’m going to say and the reasons are obvious. In this country, every time you so much as stare at someone’s child for longer than 2 minutes and it’s red flag city, even if you don’t say anything. This guy on Tv with the cookies and teenage whores has kind of ruined the vibe in this country, and it’s too bad. I happen to like M&M’s, and kids like M&M’s but try sharing some. So much for the innocence of childhood, right. That’s the phrase they should teach on Day 7! “This guy with the cookies and teenage whores has caused too much paranoia.” That’s something I might use.
“El primer paso es el mas dificil.” If only the first step was the hardest! Tell that to one of the fatasses I see at the gym trying to work off all that pudding and ham! I think the 700th step is a lot harder for them (or anyone! c’mon PhrasaDay!). You get on a treadmill, those first few steps aren’t so bad. I would think you could gauge difficulty by how much sweating and heavy breathing and collapsing is taking place, but here I am LIVING IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE AGAIN, apparently.
That’s my problem, I’m living in the land of “should,” you know what I mean.
The main problem with learning Spanish is that I certainly know a lot, and I certainly enjoy talking to people about all the things I know, but it’s hard to be convincing about all the things when you don’t know the words to say them. Once I know how to say 365 things, fuck it, I’m gold, but for now it’s kind of “dificil” because my phraseology is not complete. If I was writing this calendar, there would be phrases toward the beginning to buffer this tender time in my learning process, things like “I’m fucking smart, take my word for it” or “You think you’re fucking better than me? Talk to me in 360 days, buddy, and we’ll see who can say more things” or “I fucked your mother. Just kidding!” Just because I’m new at a language is no reason for me to take shit off mutherfuckers.
I’m sure later that the phrases in the calendar will be stuff I want to say, because I’m not going to be telling people “Hi, I’m a pedophile” or preaching to people on treadmills; can you imagine how rude this would be?
Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)
